G-Men -1

I love this game. I should have posted when it was a Pick 'Em. Doesn't matter. G-Men don't lose three in a row. Putting my 5-2 record on the line.

3-0 at Provenplays.com.

PTL

PS -- Broncos are 6-0 ATS this year. Dangerous game to pick. I do like the Ravens to win but it will be close. Good luck, Frozen One.

GB -3

Time for old Brett Favre to become old Brett Favre.

EJ's pick - Carolina +10 at Arizona

Picking Jake Delhomme is never the easy or smart thing to do but Arizona is too inconsistent and has been playing tight games. Take the 10 points and Carolina and lock it up.

ICEMAN PICK ALERT BELOW!!!!

Just wanted to make sure everyone saw Val Kilmer's pick below. Lock and load, Maverick.

Artic Special

Ravens -3

Caw, Caw. Time for Kyle Orton to become Kyle Orton.


As the Guy on the Dos Equis commercial says: Stay Thirsty My Friends

Posting videos to the blog

if you want to post a video to the blog, go to the video on youtube, copy the code that says "Embed" under the user's profile on the right hand side and paste it into your post.

Here you go.

Like umm...

like umm....give me Auburn +4.5...like umm bounce back game for Tigers & not a believer in Ole Miss....like umm Perry is 0-7....like umm am I the only one who picks college games?....like umm I dont know how to post a video in the blog so check out the link....like umm Auburn +4.5.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tv1aqmuyZE8&feature=channel

Calculation on starting a season 0-7

As Hank pointed out to me, going 0-7 is .5 to the 7th power. The results:

.5 to the seventh = 0.0078125

Perry had less than a 1% chance of making this historic run. Ice-rific.

Philly -7

Bounce back week.

It won't be Jason Campbell bouncing back. The Auburn grad is devoutly religious and prays everyday, and I think, surely he always says a special thank you for LSU grad Jamarcus Russell being in the league. How bad is Jamarcus? Really? Maybe he can get a gig in the circus throwing the ball through the uprights on his knees from the 50 because he sure can't get that skill to translate into being a decent make that half-decent make that indecent looking quarterback.

He's none of those because he can't play any form of quarterback. He'd probably struggle to hold the clipboard. His regression makes me wonder if you put a gun to the heads of the front office in San Diego, and made the Chargers chose between him and Ryan Leaf, they might just take Ryan Leaf again. I don't even know how sports gambling websites would handicap that race.

And Perry I love the "Pump the Brakes" line, seen tropic thunder recently... I think so. Unfortunately your picks look more like they were done by Ben Stiller's character's, Simple Jack , so perhaps you should quote him. Good flick, but, the best part of that movie was Tom Cruise. Yeah, the crazy scientologist...



His unexpected humor was a bit like Donovan McNabb showing flashes like he was playing three years ago. Bounce back is on, the redskins get trampled in a sea of gang green and the Iggles pull out a convincing win. And perry, before you step up "Take a big step back..."



Alright, it's no fun picking on Perry, and harbor no Les Grossman anger to him. Why kick a man when he's down. It'll turn around, puss. And to show I empathazie, that's why I'm taking the Iggles this week and rooting for your squad. I want this cooler to end. I mean your picks are colder than a pair of dice fondled by Eddie B... or any of the sportsbook tickets Eddie B has ever woken up to in his pockets... or Eddie B swimming upstream against the tickle.

I'll save my "scorched earth" for someone else and pull for you to get off the schneid.

Cowboys -4.5

I already liked it but the Iceman going the other way locked it up.

Jets -6 @ Oakland

I love the Eagles to cover a TD against the Skins tomorrow night but I can't keep doing it to them. I noticed the Iceman stayed away from that game as well.

For some reason though, he decides to help the Cowgirls out this week. Nice job, Frosty.

PTL

NE -15

Following EJ's lead and taking a heavily-favored road team. The Yucs lost by 13 at home to the Cowgirls, 24 at home to the Giants, and 7 at home to the lowly Panthers. The Patriots have not won a road game this year, but Bellicheat will not call off the dogs and NE should abuse a bad team for the second week in a row.

Live from Austin - A pick from Purehank!

Purehank would like to make the pick of Miami +6.5 in an attempt to stop the yapping from N'Awlins.

Stay cool, Iceman. Zoom in on your ice sidewalk.

Shoats LOW

Indy -14.5 @ St. Louis

Give me Indy.

Go opposite, Iceman. And unlike what the clip says, you're not dangerous to anyone but a team that actually wants to win.

LOW - Someone's Thirsty

Really billy taking pot shots at the UConn football coach after one of his players got stabbed because you didn't like his press conference, that's a little low even for Cannabill. I didn't know you were the new Doctor Phil. I'll admit to not seeing it but have certainly read a number of articles and by all accounts the team has rallied around him and he is known as stand-up guy. Also your man crush on Calhoun has gone unchecked long enough. Pump the breaks, as the title of your favorite movie reads, "He's just not that into you."

Falcons +4.5 -- The Cowgirls are a horrible football team who shouldn't be favored against the Browns. Tell Tony Romo to go post more joints on FunnyorDie.com, there's only one real QB in the NFC East and he wears Green on Sundays. Bang this game on the $$$$ Line...I already did

Go do a little manscaping and bust out your speedo cyber the forecast is for an extended heatwave

Bang, Bang

Brian "the Ultraback" Westbrook

Georgia Tech -6

The Moose says you're closed, I say you're open

live from Wally...I mean Disney World. Go with the Dookies -4. They are coming off a bye and another team that is facing a game with lots of bowl eligibilty consequences. those add up to Duke -4. plus Maryland might be the new Duke football. and the Spiders look better with every Duke win. that should be enough for you cyber freakazoids.

good talk Rus.

UCONN Football

Everybody knows I like to take that slimey Jim Calhoun and his nefarious cheat to win mentality to task. The guy leaves a grease spot when he's running. That being said anybody else get a chilling, yeah like looking into the eyes of a cornered Dave Bliss or a hungry Jeffery Dahmer, bad taste in their mouth when the UCONN football coach talks about his star player's death.

The dude, if not suffering from some sort of palsy (and if so, ignore this and my apologies to the man), speaks through this tragedy with a half-smile. At first I thought maybe it's a defensive tough guy posturing mechanism, but the more clips I've seen of him, it's becomming grossly obvious he's clearly enjoying and somewhat reveling in the spotlight. Grotesque.

I don't need Dick Vermeil tears but I also don't need a guy who's a borderline Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy enjoying the attention brough to him by the brutal death of one of his "family." Both Calhoun and the ladies coach Geno shockingly have someone in Storrs beating them to the dark corners, thin shadows and deepest shades in the athletic facility and it's not even close.

Compared to this dooschbag those guys look like eagle scouts. And for the record, both of those guys for all their moral flaws love their players and wouldn't even recognize the opportunities for self-promotion the football coach has jumped into.

And while on the subject of smarmy coaches, that Urban Meyer commercial is TURRIBLE. Somebody needs to take these two clowns neither of whom has learned the concept of a poker face and drop them off on an island somewhere. Urban can't hide how giant his ego is, like Barry Bonds his head is growing with each year, he's probably one of those vain mid-life crisis guys mainlining HGH to stay young and he needs to be deposit in the pacific somewhere.

The UCONN football coach should join them since he can't contain his happiness to be getting some extra time on the ESexPN networks. I'd love to play some No Limit Texas Hold 'em poker with these idiots, nothing better than fools that think they are smarter than everybody else and can't help tripping on the own ego. Maybe we should send them to the poker island.

As for me coming after the guy take a look at this video pre death...



Now the one post death.



The dude is little different between the two and you tell me the guy isn't creepy in his detachment and you can't see he's enjoying the attention just a little bit. Sick.

From the AP Wire...

Just heard that Vinny Cerrato has removed the "red challenge flag" throwing duties from Head Coach Jim Zorn...it will now be handled by Becky in accounting.

Saints Go Marching In

Never let it be said that when I'm wrong, I can't admit it. This one is for the victorious Ryan Moore. It's titled "Eli Manning in the pocket."

Congrats.

Blake takes Chiefs +6

Going against the whole Danny Boy Kool-Aid and picking against the team he's going to watch. A bit of Rory in this move, except unlike Rory, I'm pretty sure Blake believes his team will probably lose.

When The Saints Go Marching Out

Diagnosis: Terrible team and too much Dome Foam

Jets -10

The media hammered Ryan and his defense this week, after the Jets got shredded by Miami. Now, they're going to try to bully a God-forsaken Buffalo squad. The weather might keep scoring down, but look for the Jets to respond to last week's drubbing and take that frustration out on the crappy Bills. Ten points is a lot, but Buffalo is a mess and only managed to score six points v. Big Brown last week.

Who Dat -3

OK....I have been called out so I will respond in kind....Saints -3. There will be nothing easy about Easy E's return to the Big Easy. By the fourth quarter, he may look like he used to look on St. Charles Ave. at Mardi Gras. After JV games against the Raiders, Chiefs and Bucs....welcome back to the NFL.

Pittsburgh -14

Calling out Ryan Moore

Your team is going down and your coach is a scab. Eli's homecoming will be EEEEaaasyyy.

Um, Jax -10 @ St. Louis

All apologies to my man Steve Spagnuolo but his team's talent is awful, they lose by a ton each week, no reason to think that will change.

Give me Jacksonville -10.

Juiceman - this one is for you. Sip, sip.

Notre Dame v. USC

No one jumped on this? Charlie Weis says that this is the first time that his players feel that they can actually beat USC. That only means one thing: USC minus a million.

Not my lock. That will come later.

San Diego -3--Reality Showtime

I don't think I should pick against Denver. I'm just going to go with the Home team on Monday night. Bit of rivalry game. I like the Chargers to kind of open up a can of whoop ass and my man Antonio Gates to rack up three or so touchdowns. There are easier picks on the board but that's too easy, it's like locking up one of the hooches on Rock of Love to get a new veneral disease by episode four.

Still wondering where the standings are...

Let's see what else is on my mind: Ballon Boy Falcon Heene apparently is in our pool. I think the hefty trash bag balloon lifted off somewhere in Connecticut because the JuiceMan has been a Balloon Boy joke. It's a Hoax. I may only have one or two wins but at least I've gotten off the board, the only thing taking off in Puss's picks is a hot air bag of hot mess. Perhaps, some silly Colorado sheriff's department can be duped but not the rest of us. Now, I'm worried your next pick won't even win if they are a favorite, just don't pick any of my survivor pool teams.

Staying with the reality show theme let's look at the Extreme Makeover Home Edition. I just fear if Ty Whatsthetardslastnameington were to head to Maryland he'd take his bulldozer to Danny's Synder's house and JKC stadium would look like a giant empty pit. How deep? Think any of the 80s redskins nostrils after a coke party--okay maybe deeper, Michael Irvin/Tom Jackson nostril deep. The skins are so flaccid, even the players are calling out the owner. At least one of the two first round Auburn draftees wasn't a bust and has his head screwed on right. Think he wants a trade?

As for the Saints-Giants game it's kind of like Wife Swap except they never traded them back. The Saints get Sean Payton and Jeremy Shockey and they don't leave. They thrive. The gmen didn't get anything in return but it was addition by subtraction and Coughlin who they hated turns around and he wins them a superbowl. I like the Saints. If I were to bet and win and lived outside the U.S., I might want to bet and win some sports gambling here.

Miss St -4.5

the line says trap game for Miss St. I see an easy win. Miss St. has lost 3 straight close games but all against good teams. I think they're a little better than their record. if they want to get bowl eligible this is must win. and this is an SEC team going against Middle Tn. take the pts on the road and bang this one hard.

Juicy

I enjoyed the video, going out of town for long weekend so I don't have time to properly respond to all the limp wristed slaps directed my way this week. Somebody stuck the cooler on me to start this season but no matter I'm due for a heater. Lock and Load Time:

Eagles -14

The Raiders are a JV team whose coach thinks he's playing Mike Tyson punch-out.

Dig some change out of your manpurse cyber, this one is a lead piper.

perry the juiceman winless?

that must mean he is next on the redskins schedule after they play the Chefs

Juice Man -- Have a tall glass!

Juice Man -- some "juicy" picks you have thrown out there lately. Don't bet the kids college fund. We need a way to keep a running tally for the season.

Phillips -- this clip is for you.

Colts -3.5

Late pick tonight. Skins are horrible. Six year anniversary today -- celebrating it with a $$ pick.

PTL

The Juiceman Goeth

Another horrific pick by the Juiceman, which I think keeps him winless on the year. Bang up job, juiceman, pun intended.

NE -3.5

Mentor beats apprentice.

Another Gem

Bungles +9, for no other reason than the fact these games are usually close. Thanks for nothing.

KC +8 for EJ

This line is all over the place, between 7.5 and 9, so I'll cut to the (sort of) average and take KC +8 now that Roy Williams is not playing. This game has KC pumped up and might be a Detroit/Washington type upset. At the minimum, I expect the backdoor cover to be in full effect with the Chiefs.

Lock & Load

Steelers -10.5

Matthew Stafford (if you even play) welcome to the NFL

Georgia Tech +3

I'm taking Miami +2.5

The Dolphins have some sort of Tony Saprano thing going. The Just End The Season J.E.T.S, Jets, Jets, Jets are from Jersey. So this is like a Mob War. BTW, is there anything more annoying on facebook then these constant Mob War updates showing up every day on your page from a guy you barely remember from high-school?



Some of you don't know what facebook is so won't catch that reference, for those of you still living in the Newspaper age, explore the internet it's not just for porn and fantasy football (whatever happenend to our league anyway?). Back to the game, Bill Parcells retired to Miami and decided to start running a Wildcat offense. LT watched a dolphins game and hasn't been this confused by Parcells since he pulled a scrooge mcduck in a pool filled with white nose dust.

You think Billy Parcells, the big Tuna, is sitting in his office in Miami enjoying the fact his team runs the WILDCAT? No, he's like Rory's friends 10 years ago after Rory has strapped on a buzz to his 175 pound frame and started to get frisky with a Korean Bowling team in the alley next to 3rd Edition, just making a squeamish face, thinking this is going to get ugly and is that guy really with us?

Okay for a more recent reference how about Rory less than a year ago talking smack to the two dudes in wifebeaters with the vacant gaze of meth-heads fresh from their bathroom lab. Did Parcells really hire that guy? Guess if you can't pass it start three running backs, that's gambling right? Still, I'm not a beliver in the Jets. It's monday night, the dolphins run wild and win in a squeaker 13-10.

Early LOW - WISC +16

give me the Wisconsin Badgers +16. both wisc and ohio st have looked good but this is too many points. Ohio St. can roll up scores on bad to mediocre teams but this Wisc team is improved and better than mediocre. they'll get a cover.

take advantage. not only am I rolling at a 75% clip in LOW so far thats about my average overall this football season. en fuego. not sure how long it will last but you take a pull when the taps are open.

by the way I found out 5Dimes had the JMU-UR line this weekend at JMU +13. absurd line. apparently it was at +14.5 originally. rivalry game, jmu needs win bigtime, they're still a top team just got upset last week by a team we murdered. they could easily win outright but instead getting 13 pts at home? I opened an account with them solely to bet that game. I think JMU is a lock, of course I want the Spiders but if someone is serving softballs I'm going to round the bases. sportsbook doesnt offer those lines except when it goes to playoffs.

Poll

Is Bill a bigger Auburn or LSU fan this year?

A. Auburn

B. LSU

C. We'll know after they play each other.

Unfortunately I dont think there is a way to creat an actual poll. You can vote via the comments. My vote is C.

Cyber commish can tally up the votes since he's doing such a great job already with things like standings.

Forecast....HEAT

Give me the Pack and the points tomorrow night - BoDog has it @ 4.5

I hope AJ Hawks goes off his meds and ends Brett Farve's ridiculous comeback

Cowboys -3

I know they are on the road, but this is a game they should win. Give me the Cowboys -3 @ Denver.

Going for my third in a row this week. Feel the heat, Juiceman!

Tenn -3 @ Jax

Spent the week trying to shake off last week's humiliating pick. That's what I get for consulting the New York Post.

Should've really called this game earlier in the week when the line opened at 1.

Cincinnati -6 is EJ's pick

I love this, always have and it ties in with my pick.

Wash Huskies +12

lou holtz will spit into the camera on gameday saying they'll win going away but they cant do it. take the points.

Back in it

Don't worry, Scotty, I'm still here to monitor and track your losing picks. I helped produce a huge film festival in midtown last weekend (we had the US premiere of the new Coen Brothers movie in a big red-carpet deal) and still managed to call in a pick. Mine will be up shortly.

Meantime, enjoy this gem. I think Perry was on the defense for this one.

NE -2

Pats favored by less than 3 at home? I will take that.

New Orleans -7

Even though this league has been abandoned by everyone, I am still posting a solid pick above. Sanchez may be good, but I have a feeling New Orleans is going to make it a tough road game for the rookie.